You're a Worthless, Insignificant Peasant

Condescension /ˌkɒndɪˈsɛnʃn/

An attitude of patronizing superiority; disdain.

Being talked down to, completely ignored or having your contributions dismissed as if you are filthy scum and not worthy of recognition as a human being is not a pleasant experience. When this happens to you in your professional life, particularly from those in management, you'll probably feel insulted, angry and disrespected. However, these feelings are unjustified. When this sort of situation happens to you, how you react to it is what matters and will not only influence the way you feel now, but also how you feel in the future.

Don't react. Just step back and take a moment to analyse the situation like a logical, analytical professional. From this point on, treat it as a psychological game of oneupmanship.

It’s a reflection of their character

They have failed the Waiter rule. “If someone is nice to you but rude to the waiter, they are not a nice person.” – Dave Barry.

A person who moderates their manner and adjusts the amount of respect given depending on their perception of status or value of the person they’re interacting with has a serious character flaw. If a person treats people according to how subordinate they perceive them to be then they probably have an overwhelming need to reflect their imagined sense of superiority to those around them.

It’s a detriment to the amount of trust and respect they command

A person who talks down to or ignores subordinates can be detrimental to the performance, morale and happiness of those who have to deal with them. It’s a simple matter of logic that employees will not do their best to please an unforgiving and rude line of management, particularly when the only interaction or feedback received is always negative, or indeed, nothing at all. The more patronising and condescending the person is, the more this person ignores subordinates, the more negative this person is, the less trustworthy they will be in the eyes of those around them. Respect will be non-existent.

It’s their problem

Ultimately if someone in a senior position ignores, patronises or is condescending towards a subordinate (for whatever reason), it’s nothing more than a display of egotism (belief that oneself is more important), arrogance (delusional pride in oneself mixed with an outward contempt for others) or even superiority complex¹ (overt display of superiority to conceal their feelings of inferiority). They could be a psychopath, and if so, there is no redemption for this person as they have a mental disorder and completely lack empathy. Or it could be a milder personality disorder, but whatever it turns out to be, it’s still their problem.

Dealing with it

Go back and read each sub-heading in this article. Notice there’s no mention of you? That’s right, it’s all about them. Every problem is theirs. Every action and reaction of theirs is also about them. Not only do we know this, they do too. There is nothing here for you to deal with. Full stop.

You maintain your composure because their ludicrous display of ego is a serious character flaw and has nothing to do with you. You are the better person and your control over the situation is proof of that. You may not realise this, but anyone who witnesses such indiscretions, or is the target of them, recognises this too. Your self-worth simply cannot be in any way linked to a character flaw in someone else. It just doesn’t compute.

Maybe you should instead feel pity for this person. What is it that causes them to put others down? Do they have a personality disorder? Are they incredibly insecure? Do they suffer full-blown psychopathy? Have fun being an armchair psychologist.

Winning

Reacting as if having been slighted is a loss. Not reacting at all is a win. Now find whatever avenues you can to cut this person out of your life. Don’t deal with them again. If you do need to deal with them going forward then keep the interface to strictly business and at an absolute minimum. At this point, you have won. You are the superior person. Perhaps they’ll realise what’s happening and why, and at that point, you are the superior person in their mind too. But you don’t actually care what they think any more, do you?

Notes